Hi friends. I feel like it’s been a while… you might be wondering “What Happened?” You might wonder where I’ve gone… what I’ve been up to? Why have I been silent for a couple of months? Perhaps you’re not. I know a lot of people have plenty to think about and concern themselves with in their own lives. I very much respect that. Either way, today I’m going to tell you “What Happened”. Today, I woke up and decided that it was time to let the world know my big news and how it’s affected my life.
Somehow, when I started a blog, I took on a feeling of responsibility to my readers (surely this happens to all bloggers). I feel committed to share things. Cool experiences, yummy recipes, interesting theories on living a healthy lifestyle, adventures, pictures, emotions…it’s a labor of love that I signed up for and have found myself yearning for when I don’t make time for it. My readers hold a special little place in my heart that gets lonely when I don’t give it attention. Just like every human I’ve ever known, I love to receive attention, but rarely do I give it to myself. It’s easier, and usually more immediately rewarding, to adorn others with attention. To give ourselves what we need requires a series of inward, oft-uncomfortable and courageous steps. It requires looking fear straight in the eyes and telling it to chill out. Rarely do we feel immediate satisfaction when we give ourselves the attention we need. Satisfaction comes with practice. With habit. Consistency. There is no one more concerned with the success rate than you. I’ve never heard anyone say “my, you’ve done a great job of giving yourself the attention you need lately,” without a slight overtone of sarcasm (jealousy more than anything). In our society it’s selfish to give too much to yourself and not be focused on others. We all feel the responsibilities of taking care of others weighing down on us. There is always something else to take care of that is more important than that quiet time/bubble bath/massage/yoga class/phone call to a friend/new book/vacation/extra hour of sleep/healthy recipe/walk/coffee date/insert-your-desire… To me, the question always begs, “How do we give so much from an empty vessel?”
But this is not what I sat down to ponder today. I came here, finally, to tell you “What Happened” to me that allowed me to stay away from this happy place for almost 3 months now. In a way, it all connects… I temporarily stepped away in order to give to myself, to fill my vessel. In all actuality, it began a couple of months before my last post – the smoothie recipe. I just wasn’t in the head space to admit to what was happening yet, so a simple recipe left me content for a few more months. I suppose now I am ready.
It all started at the end of February when I took the plunge to sign up for Marie Forleo’s B-School. B-School is this amazing online program that helps align individuals with their life-goals and helps business ideas come to fruition. If you don’t know of Marie Forleo and her “Marie TV” episodes, I strongly suggest you check them out. No matter where you are in your life journey, or what your goals are, she is there to support you and help you along the way. She is an inspiration to many, myself included. You might even remember that I submitted a video for a scholarship for this opportunity? After careful deliberation, I decided to spend my entire tax return (and then some) on her B-School program and was ready to kick my ass into gear and change my life for the better.
The very next day, I peed on a little stick and my world changed in a way I never imagined it would. “Oh shit, I’m pregnant!” was the phrase stuck in my head for the first day/week. Our little “Sweet Pea” is due November 4th.
Then the fatigue hit me (thankfully not the sickness) and I ended up using B-School and it’s ability to change my life, as a great excuse to be sober and unsocial for the next 2 months while I literally slept through my days. B-School started and even with the motivational emails and the group support I just couldn’t give myself to the program. I was a slave to my bed, and my couch, and the backs of my eyelids. Lucky for me, this is a program that I will own for life and is meant to be completed at your own pace. The 6 weeks of modules and 2 weeks of personal support from Marie came and went. Meanwhile, Nate and I figured shit out… slowly and quietly.
Luckily, our first order of duty was to Sweet Pea. Being the mindful, holistic family that we already are, we did our best to understand what was happening inside of my belly and how we could give this little blessing the best chances from the get-go. I had to keep my vessel full to the brim, not just for myself, but for the baby. Stress became the #1 enemy and rest was my best friend. Nate was (and still is) amazingly committed to helping out however he possibly could. We managed to keep to our social and work commitments without raising any suspicions (that I know of).
I still skied and worked regularly, we saw the live music we wanted to, we brainstormed summer plans with our friends at dinner parties. Life went on. My sobriety and conscious eating were nothing new to close friends… I’d done this in the past for different reasons and they all knew that it was good for me.
Fast forward to the end of April and the end of the first trimester. The ski season has finished and town is quiet. We’ve completed our semi-annual voyage to Florida to visit Nate’s parents and it is time to unveil our news with our friends. By this time, the news of Sweet Pea has tripled… No, not triplets. We got engaged while in Florida and we also decided to relocate. We had a hat-trick of news to share.
I’m not usually very tight-lipped about my personal aspirations (hence the blog). I love to share ideas and brainstorm with friends and co-workers. It was SO difficult to keep the secret of Sweet Pea close, not to mention the other brainstorming that we had done. Relocating was actually an idea that we had been playing with before the baby ever came along… we were ready for a change and had been open to possible catalysts. Florida had been enticing to us for years. This is Nate’s parent’s first grandchild and they are very excited to be involved. We have also been entertaining possible entrepreneurship opportunities and a community similar to Crested Butte, with a larger, wealthier population (not to mention trading in down coats and snow boots for sandals every day) felt like a natural transition. We got some leads on the (very thin) rental market down here and pulled the trigger by informing our CB landlord that we would be moving.
Things fell into place after that. Being off-season, it was easy for us to stay off of the schedules at our respective jobs and we had saved accordingly. New tenants were excited to move into our fabulous home on our timeline. Our friends took the news of the baby really well… the news of the move was a whole lot harder. Our engagement was a drop in the bucket that everyone seemed to be expecting already. At least now, they can look forward to a destination wedding next fall in our new hometown! We were making moves, things were happening, fast.
I can’t sugarcoat it, it was hard to leave. We gave ourselves and our friends only a month to digest and prepare for our departure. Packing up our lives and fitting into a single 12×6 UHaul trailer was one thing. Saying goodbye to a community we had called home for the majority of our adult lives was an entirely different beast. Nate had lived in Crested Butte for 8 years. He’d known me for barely half of them. I started my love affair with the Gunnison Valley back in 1999 when I went to college at Western. Over the course of the last 17 years I had lived 14 of them as a Gunnison County resident. Between the two of us, we had 22 years of friends and experiences to leave behind. To say it was hard doesn’t give it the justice it deserves. The memories of friends and experiences in that amazing place will forever haunt my dreams. I have left in the past, however, and every time I return I know it will NOT be the last time. Mountains don’t move. Friends are not temporary. Things will change in Crested Butte and the Gunnison Valley, but our love for it will never fade.
We are doing big things in our new home already. The rental we leased is being renovated so it will still be another month before we move in and get to settle (the urge to “nest” is real!). We are excited to have new flooring, bathrooms, kitchen appliances and freshly painted walls. Totally worth the wait. Meanwhile, we have been lucky enough to live comfortably with Nate’s parents and we have started a new business. Bins Be Clean is a mobile trash bin cleaning service that will be operable around the same time we get the keys to our new house. I won’t indulge in details of the new biz, but the website should be operable in the next few days and you can find out everything you want to know there: www.binsbeclean.com.
With the new business, Nate and I will be the only employees for the first year or so, so this obviously affects my coaching and public speaking aspirations. My growing belly is also playing a big part in the direction of those aspirations. I still have a small group of clients in the 6-month program who are making amazing positive changes for themselves. I love supporting them and providing a safe place for contemplation and revelation. I will continue to be there for these clients, but have chosen to not bring on anymore. One of my biggest goals as a speaker is to motivate and inspire as many people as I can to take their health and wellness into their own hands. Ironically, keeping a clean trash bin aligns with that goal (any idea what kind of bacteria and disease lurks in that stinky can??), but it wasn’t part of the big plan. I’ve also developed an entirely new relationship with my body and my happiness as I experience pregnancy and impending motherhood. I would love to commit to chatting about all that I am learning on the blog and to share this experience with my readers as well. It’s a bit more of a stretch to align the tasks of bookkeeping, marketing and managing client relations to the aspiration of being more active on this platform. I will just have to see where life takes me at this point….
The second trimester of pregnancy was everything I was told it would be. I had energy, clarity, motivation. I could still fit into most of my summer clothes. We accomplished a lot as a family in those short 3 months. We relocated, found a doctor, started a business and even made a few friends. The sea-level air and sunshine has been kind to my skin, hair and digestive system. We’ve managed to escape the traps of living in “retirement/vacation-land” and have established a good routine of work and play that works for us. Summer is hot in Florida, obviously. Air conditioning is a fabulous invention. The water soothes our souls and refreshes our spirits. My belly is growing. The practice of giving to myself is almost a habit. I am consistently reminded of how important it is for me to stay calm and to fill my vessel by the tiny movements occurring all day long.
The third trimester is approaching and I can feel Sweet Pea’s growth begin to wear on me. The act of writing to you, my readers, has reminded me that “What Happened” way back in February was a blessing… in so many ways. I am learning to respect my needs as a woman, as a human, as a mother, as a giver. I still haven’t looked at B-School but I know it is waiting for me when the time is right. Marie Forleo and all of the other inspirational figures I follow are still reminding me that I am exactly where I need to be right now on my personal journey. We are learning so much in respect to how to keep me healthy and therefore raise a healthy baby and child. We know there is so much still to learn. I’d love to think that I will spend my down time as a new mom indulging my reader with all of this newfound knowledge, but I cannot make any promises.
First of all, the idea of “down time” is a misnomer when we are starting our own business and raising a healthy family. There is cooking and cleaning to be done on top of the billing, marketing and bookkeeping. Nate will be busy with the actual business of cleaning trash bins. With a baby in the house, we will have our hands full in a way that neither of us have ever experienced before. We are grateful for the knowledge and understanding that my coaching and education has brought to our lives. We know that we have the ability to provide for a healthy family. Eating organic, home cooked meals, avoiding toxins like GMOs and chemical additives, keeping stresses to a minimum and happiness at a maximum are still priorities in our life. We look forward to sharing these priorities with Sweet Pea and our new community. I look forward to giving myself the time to share our experiences with you… when I am able to.
Please receive this post as a thorough explanation of “What Happened” to me… to my coaching business, to the blog, to all of the information sharing that was ramping up at a steady pace this winter. Where did I go? I got pregnant, engaged and moved to Florida to start a business with my love. That’s the short answer. The longer answer has taken me a couple of months to come to grips with. It took a little time and a lot of courage to realize that things were changing as rapidly and thoroughly as they were. We are so excited for this new leg of the adventure and are grateful for all of the support we have received. Thanks for being here and thanks for understanding… life is full of surprises!
Rather (& Sweet Pea)
PS, we have found out that Sweet Pea is a girl and are excited to invite her into this world in early November. It is obviously really hard to know what all we will need as new parents but have attempted a registry all the same. Nate is big on researching and providing only the best for his princess. If you feel like getting a peek into our plans, take a look! www.babylistregistry.com/hosch