What Role Do Traditions Play?
I woke up this morning a little earlier than I wanted to, but I still didn’t get out of bed. A good friend of mine has told me that when this happens to her, she asks her higher consciousness to kindly tell her what she needs to know so her head doesn’t go spinning out of control…. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who does this when I lie awake in bed!
This morning, in my head, I began to write a blog post. It was almost as if it was being downloaded, and the smart thing to do would have been to hop up and write it all out. That’s not what I did. It’s been hours since then, I barely have 2 hours to get it all out of my head before I have to get on with the next part of my day. I’ve gotten the kids breakfast, dressed and out the door for their day. I walked the beach with a friend, meditated next to the waves, picked up some trash, and listened to some Lorie Ladd while I rinsed off the salt and sand and got ready for my day. Aside from trying Mudwater instead of coffee, it’s been a pretty normal morning. Now, the afternoon thunderstorms are pittering at my garage door as I enjoy my studio space and sit down to finally release this idea… these questions, really.
I woke up feeling super inquisitive about traditions, and where we get them from. Prior to having my own family, I’ve always just followed along with the traditions like Holidays, weddings and birthdays without question. These are typically celebratory moments where we tend to gather in groups and have a lot of fun - I love fun. I actually think I’m pretty good at having fun, and I know a lot of really fun people. I don’t want to question traditions (and legit reasons for a good party) as a way to question fun, I’m just curious to look at the other ways we use “tradition” as a subtle form of programming and avoidance of what we really want/need out of life.
It’s a deep thought… welcome to my mind at 5am. The last few years have really led me to question a lot of what I believe as “my truth.” I’ve been doing a considerable amount of un-learning and re-learning things about myself, my community, my family and career. My whole life has been turned upside down… and yet, I’m still here - as myself, with the same family, friends and career. It’s been an internal upheaval, and it hasn’t been all that much fun, but it’s been 100% worth it (and unavoidable).
So here we are… waking at 5am and wondering what “tradition” means to me and my life. What does it mean to my family? What does it mean to our community? Why do we follow certain traditions, and why don’t we see many new ones? Who started the traditions that I follow? What about the ones that aren’t big holidays - what about the tradition of sitting at the table to eat, of flushing the toilet after peeing, of waking up at a certain time, of holding the door open for someone, of going out on Friday night to get drunk, of reading the paper and knowing the news… What about the tradition of anything in your life that is more of a habit than a tradition? What about wearing underwear??
Maybe this is because my kids are small, and I often find myself using the phrase, “traditionally, we… wear our sundresses in the summer, and our long pants and sweatshirts in the winter.” Or, “traditionally, we… eat our dessert after we eat our dinner.”
But hey, who am I to tell them that stuff?! Ok, I’m their parent so I get that I’m responsible for guiding them along for the first decade or so… but think about it. Do we HAVE to wear only light clothes in the summer and sweaters and pants in the winter? Do we HAVE to eat dessert last? No. Someone down the line decided that was best and they let us in on a way of doing it, and we took the bait. Some of it makes a whole lot of sense - you get hot if you have too many clothes on in the summer, and snow in a sundress doesn’t work very well. What I was beginning to see very clearly (at 5am, with my eyes closed, wishing I was still asleep), was just how much of my life I do from habit, tradition, programming….
Again, I’m not trying to question the big celebratory events - if you traditionally go somewhere special for your birthday, or every spring or something, and you know WHY you do the things you do - that’s great! Even if you have no clue on the Why, but you absolutely love a tradition, that’s great too! There is beauty and wisdom in many of our societal traditions and I’m not here to suggest that anyone’s form of tradition is wrong. This isn’t about right or wrong, good or bad… This is just a query. If we can’t be allowed to ponder and share our thoughts, then I don’t want to be here.
I’m not one for labels, titles, and shoulds. These are all things I’ve been rebelling against in some way or form my whole life. My distaste for these things has grown in the last couple years and now it’s popping up everywhere… like a good little crop of thistle 🤔. Turns out, part of my rebellion looked like conforming - figuring out how to fit in, be a “good girl”, and “successful” in some way - to play the game. I did it my own way, no doubt, and I wouldn’t trade a moment to do anything differently. I believe that the Universe (call it God if that feels better to you) has a plan, and that I was aware of that plan when I chose to come here… to play in the game. I believe that everything comes in divine timing and that the more I can tap into my own flow and stop letting the traditions of life (aka the programming of how to be) steer me towards feeling like a failure and zapping all the Joy from my life.
Why is it always “Keeping up with the XYJoneses”, and “You should… start this, go here, get that, meet them, say this, take that… to be happy/healthy/successful”. The whole thing is nauseating… and we all - we ALL - play in it. It’s part of our societal framework… We get to feel helpful, resourceful, supportive and endearing when we can point something out to each other about what we think they should do to help themselves. We’re always trying to fix something… I’m as guilty as they come with this - it’s literally part of what I say to describe myself, and deserves an entire blog of its own. Bottom line is, when something needs to be fixed that implies it is broken - so in an effort to be kind, loving humans just trying to help, we are instead implying that everyone around us, ourselves included, is broken. Ouch.
Stop trying to keep up with anyone.
Stop telling anyone - yourself included - what they should do.
Live your life. Stay in your lane. Get in touch with your OWN reality. Tend to your own garden.
How do you feel?
What do you think?
What do you feel like doing?
What does happiness/health/success look like to YOU?
Get in touch with that. Listen to that. It’s not an overnight shift, it takes a lot of grace… this inner self has been hidden for a long time (your whole life). It’s not fixing anything, because nothing is broken. It begins with witnessing ourselves - seeing the ways that we just do things because that’s what we’ve always done, the habits. It’s ok if we continue to do the same thing… I will continue to eat my dinner before having dessert. It’s ok if we see the flaws in some of our traditions and it takes years and years to pull ourselves from them to change… I won’t be canceling trick-or-treating on Halloween anytime soon. It’s ok if we stay stubborn and choose not to see any of it. We are living a human experience - there is nothing right or wrong about anyone’s ride. We get to choose how to grow and evolve in this wildly exciting time of societal transformation. Ironically, we’re not very equipped for the ride. We’ve spent so much time being concerned with what we “should” be doing, how we’re “supposed” to feel/look/be. Collectively, we’ve tuned out and shushed that inner voice… the one that actually knows what you came here to do, how you actually feel at any given moment, what you are capable of. Once we begin to listen to that voice more than the noise around us, we will soar… Individually, and also as a Society.
I don’t know the answers to all of today’s problems. But I know a lot of really smart, amazing people who are kind hearted and ingenuitive. I know that most of us are not exactly comfortable with the way the world is right now… we all want to leave it better than this when we’re gone, right? I have lots of ideas about how to access this space, but this might be the first step - witness. See yourself in all the ways you do things just because “that’s the way it’s always been done.” We have a beautiful opportunity to bring these new ways into our daily consciousness, I’m so honored to be doing this with you!
With love,
