And So It Begins…

It seems impossible to establish a new blog space without first recognizing that this world is currently upside down and we’re likely seeing a metamorphosis of society that we’ve never seen before. The following is what began as a journaling exercise that turned into a script for an Instagram (IGTV) video on my personal page, and eventually a call to action for a weekly meetups. I’m choosing to begin this new era of blogging with this “coming out” of sorts because it briefly describes where I’ve been and why I think the way I do. It’s personal. And I’ve come to realize that most of my writing will be personal. Life is personal.

And so it is.

Written on 8/14/2020:

What am I here to do?  How do I show up in this world right now?  I keep being called to stand up, speak out, show up, be loud.  I do.  This calling is real. And I keep running away from it.  Why?  Because it’s hard.  Because it’s uncomfortable.  Because I’m afraid of what people will think.  I’m afraid of how this will affect me personally, but also us as a family - our livelihood, my relationship, how we interact with our friends and family, our community involvement.     

I’m being called to open up and shine my light.  It would be a shame to dim my light for these worries.  Right?  Breaking old patterns.  So much transformation is happening.  It’s time for mankind to stand up.  For the children.  For the women.  For the species of the human race.  Shit is getting crazy.  Love will win, and what is my roll?  I’m a natural leader.  I’d like to stop ignoring this part of myself and that’s not a comfortable way to exist right now.  What can I say?  I don’t want to play into the divisiveness.  I don’t want to deepen the divide.  I want to show up with love.  

Practice IG story/video that I want to share:

Hi friends.  I know it’s been a tough year.  Can you believe so much time has passed?  I’m finding it heavy, the weight of the world right now.  And typically, when I feel something like this, I come to find out I’m not alone…

I was that kid in the front row at school who was willing to ask the tough questions by remembering that old saying: “If you have a question, it’s likely someone else does too”

Which reminds me that I was also that kid in school who was asked to lead, unexpectedly, but repeatedly.  I was the assigned speaker for group presentations; I was the team captain; I was elected by the student body; chosen by teachers, looked up to by peers…

And then I moved on to college and learned the ski bum/mountain girl lifestyle - where it was easier to focus on my own peace of mind and I often took the path of least resistance to save myself the struggle and stress.  

I got pretty good at that life, if I do say so myself.  :)

And then I got sick.  It took a couple wake up calls before I landed myself in the hospital and was really faced with a serious choice.  

Do I stand up for my own health or do I take the path of least resistance and allow the system to take care of me?

Afterall, I was told “this is genetic, I was predisposed to this dis-ease and there’s nothing I did to bring it on and there’s nothing I can do to make it go away.” 

This was moments before they handed me a bag full of (free) pills that would mask the symptoms and allow me to continue living my life… 

Until, of course, I ran out of the freebies and was asked to pay $800 a month for the same relief.

Needless to say, once they tried to charge me the $800, I chose the path of ownership of my health.  Much to my nurse-mother’s dismay. (I love you mama)

The path to healing wasn’t easy.  

It took years.  It cost me dollars.  I had to say “no” more than I wanted to.

But it lifted a veil.

A veil that I then aimed to help lift for others.  

A veil I believe has actually been lifting for many in the last decade or so.

It’s the veil that covers up the industry of food, and how detrimental the processing of our food has been to our overall health.  The poison that we’re slowly being drip-fed.

This veil also covers up the connections between “big food” and “big pharma” and the “health care crisis” that we’ve been dealing with for decades.

I know some of you have seen through this veil.  I’m glad for your health, and the affects you likely have on those around you.  

You’re probably the ones who are still watching this story… thank you for being here with me.  I see you.

And then, in 2016, I had a hat trick of events in the span of 18 months… 3 things I’d, quite literally, never imagined myself to do.

I moved across the country and away from the mountains.

I became a mother (twice by 2019).

And I married my best friend and started a business with him.

Lots of transformation.  Lots of growth.  

And now we’re watching the world transform.  

I get sad when I think about the things I’d hoped for my kids, because “life as we know it” is no longer, and likely will never be again.  

But there’s hope still.  I believe in hope.  And I believe that while my kids may not have the same experiences I had, that we can help build a new future that is much more sustainable, enjoyable and loving than the one we’ve been putting up with.

It’s just like the doctors who told me I was predisposed to this dis-ease.  When we grow up thinking that this “is just the way it is”, and we have no say over the way things are, it’s hard to consider trying a different path.

I’m beginning to think, as we’ve navigated the last 6 months of a pandemic of enormous effect, that my inner leader is asking to come out.  She’s been busy, I suppose… helping me navigate my own path.  

My inner leader wants to be more social.  So do I.

So that leads me to this…

What are we going to do with this mess?

It seems we all agree on very little at this point, and it’s taking a toll on humanity.

I’m tired of “conversations” that are merely defensive exchanges of “science” and “fact” that we also don’t agree on - whether it’s the source, or statistical discrepancies, the hidden meaning, or who’s side it makes you sound like you’re on…. There’s nothing “social” around this type of engagement - especially since it’s all online.  

I’m also tired of conversations that go something like this: “I just can’t focus on this right now, I have to save my energy for my kids/partner/work/sanity.” 

Or, “I trust that everything will work out the way it needs to, just stay positive.” 

Or “I know things are messed up right now, and I disagree with so much of it, but I’d don’t know the answers so I’ll just put up with it for now.” 

Or “I’ve seen so much loss and you’re being insensitive to my experience.”

Look - I get it.  This is a wild and crazy time that none of us has ever had to handle before.  The regulations, headlines, “conspiracies”, isolation, finances, family dynamics, politics, civil unrest…. All of these things feel like a snowball rolling down a steep hillside of fear - it’s picking up speed at remarkable rates - more of an avalanche, and we’re all being swooped up with it.

It’s so much easier to not think about this bigger picture.  Especially when we have other things to worry about - our family, livelihood, and reputation.

Oh, wait.  See how I didn’t even mention the V-word there?

Freudian slip?

I believe that what we are witnessing is the destructive dismantling of the systems that brought us to this point.  There’s more veils to fall. 

There’s names for the systems, but those become polarizing as well. 

I believe we are in the very beginning of a New World - not to be confused with the New World Order - which is something very, VERY different, btw - go look it up if you haven’t already.  

I believe that each of us has subconsciously chosen to be here on this planet during this time and it’s important to do the work we’re here to do.

This is a birthing.  We are in labor pains.  Yes, I believe that we are just in the very beginning stages of this process.  We’ve been told by our doctors to stay home and not go to the hospital yet.  (Birth metaphors can be hard for some - my apologies) 

It’s coming.  (In labor, you feel this - you don’t wait for the doctor to tell you.)

It’s happening.  (In labor, you can only do so much preparing and often it goes wildly off plan.) 

It’s not waiting for humanity to wake up and catch up.  (in labor, there is only one true timeline - that of the child.)

It’s not really asking for input.  Actually, it seems as though it’s refusing input and is staying true to it’s trajectory - “New World or Bust!”

So we will have this baby.  This new thing.  This New World.

What in the world are we going to do with it?!

Well…. Here’s where my inner leader is wanting to raise my hand with some ideas.  

But, I don’t want my ideas to fall on divided, stubborn, and angry minds.  

I want to experience open conversations.  

I want to see a willingness to look at all sides.

I want to witness less division and more teamwork.  

I know these are tall orders, given the nature of our species at the moment.  

I don’t want to focus on the theories, rhetoric, statistics, facts, or sides.  

I want to discuss ideas.  

I want to move forward and think about what is possible on the other side of this birth experience.  

What happens when we take the baby home?

What happens when we lift these restrictions?

What happens when the next politicians take over the reins?

What happens when the veils begin to lift?

What does this World look like for our children?  And their children?

Let’s make some shit happen.

Let’s move out of this stagnant, fear-filled pool of division and prepare ourselves for a bright future.  Let’s talk about that.  

I don’t know the answers.

I won’t be doing this “right”.

I’ll make mistakes.

I’ll piss people off.

I can’t worry about that.  

I’m a grower.  I’m a do-er.  I’m an improve-er.

I enjoy the process of evolving into a better person every single day.  

I accept the challenges of this mindset and I know I won’t do it gracefully every single day.  

I also know that I am the one who knows how powerful I am.

By dimming my light, I am not servicing anyone.  

So I will try my best to continue to shine. 

That may look like sharing articles and videos.  (I merely find them interesting and perhaps eye opening to some.  I’m also concerned with censorship and feel that great ideas don’t come from minimal input.)

That may look like I’m being insensitive to some.  (I promise you, I am an empath.  I’m feeling ALL of the heartache and loss very heavily.)

That may look like I’m supporting one party or another.  (I’ve always been Independent in my political views - but, full disclosure, I am registered D in order to vote in all elections, and I still don’t like the person currently in office.)

That may look rebellious or irresponsible.  (I trust my intuition and my body - she has only led me astray when I stopped listening.)

I am me.  Just as you are you.  We are (at least currently) free to be ourselves.  

I’m choosing loving kindness over everything.

I want to open dialog and conversation, but I don’t know how to do it right now.  I’m showing up here, today, to begin the process of figuring this out.  I want to hear your ideas.  I want to discuss my ideas with open minds.  

So, that’s me today.  

I’m going to venture down this path… this uncomfortable, uncertain, meandering, potentially lonely path.  

If you’d like to engage, I’d welcome it.  If you have ideas about how to structure it, I’m all ears.  

Obviously, I have my hands full with my life, but this feels really important right now and I’m willing to put in the effort if it helps us move in a positive direction.

I love my family.

I love my friends.  

I love my planet, this place we get to call home.

I look forward to seeing what we can create with this moment in our history.  Thank you for listening.  I’ll see you soon.    

Back to the now: It took a whole lot of convincing myself I had something worthy of being said before I recorded myself reading that script. It also takes a lot of convincing to post this as the beginning of a new blog. I’m not exactly sure why self confidence is such a big component of my growth, but it is. And so, I will continue to grow - because that’s what I’m here to do. And that growth will involve a lot of personal development, of which self confidence is part of. It’s all tied together in my ability to look at life through a creative lens. It’s never going to look like anyone else’s life. I’m here to live the life I’d Rather Be Living. It’s that simple. And, also, it’s not easy. It can be both. I’m here for the journey. Thank you for being here with me.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rather