Here for Humanity
I’m tired.
Forgive me for complaining for a moment - It comes at me (and all of us) in so many ways. Physically, my body is tired - not enough sleep as we re-train our two-year-old to sleep through the night in her new big girl bed in the now-shared room. It’s exhausting to be so tired and still try to trudge through the day. So, I’m physically tired, but even more so, emotionally tired. Not sure if you’ve noticed, but the world is a bit of dumpster fire at the moment. We’re coming up on one year of a global pandemic that has shut down our economy, destroyed basic Civil Liberties, and perhaps begun the complete dissolve of the world as we know it, all in one fell swoop. There’s the election that just occurred and the corresponding “inauguration” (I put in quotes because there’s plenty of people who don’t believe it’s legit). Politics are exhausting. So much so that I typically shy very far away from them, but this year it was virtually impossible.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of all the sides. I’m tired of trying to keep up with the information vomit online. I’m tired of censorship. I’m tired of “questioning my sources.” I’m tired of “misinformation”, “disinformation”, and “fact checkers”. I’m tired of those little banners at the bottom of posts telling me I can learn more if I follow the link…. (Have you ever followed the link? It leads to their website which is full of propaganda, not “facts” or “data” of any sort btw… don’t bother if you haven’t already.) I’m tired of direct messages telling me I’m a horrible person because I don’t care about someone’s grandma dying (I do - I care very deeply for those we’ve lost during this time). I’m tired of defending my right to make my own health decisions for myself and my family. I’m tired of [what feels like] medical tyranny. I’m tired of stepping lightly around sensitive - but very important - subjects with people I’ve always called friends, and even family.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of all the labels. The good/bad, left/right, anti/pro, black/white… it’s SO exhausting. I’m tired of keeping up with current events. I’m tired of not knowing what’s actually going on. I’m tired of not trusting the media. I’m tired of not trusting my government. I’m tired of rules and regulations we’ve put up with for so long, but have never actually made any sense. I’m tired of being called a “conspiracy theorist.” I’m tired of sensational headlines. I’m tired of bought “science” and “scientific studies” that no one has the patience to read or understand. I’m tired of trusting the “experts.” I’m tired of having to defend myself when I say something from the heart that someone else considers “false” or “misinformation.” I’m tired of “social distancing.” I’m tired of seeing masks over beautiful smiles. I’m tired of the judgement I receive when I don’t wear one. I’m tired of explaining myself.
I’m tired.
I’m also curious.
I’m curious about how quickly everything has escalated. I’m curious about how quickly some people have been canceled. I’m curious about what all the division is distracting us from. I’m curious why so many humans choose to shame those who question. I’m curious what’s really happening amongst all the turmoil. I’m curious about the human experience. I’m curious why some people are satisfied and emboldened by the censorship, while others are highly affected and being forced to restructure and restart their businesses that weren’t really controversial to begin with. I’m really curious about what’s being censored. I’m curious why suddenly I don’t feel comfortable speaking up. I’m curious why I’m so afraid to have an honest question… and seek an honest answer. I’m curious why I know so little about our country’s actual history. I’m curious why certain things have always been kept hidden from us. Why have we always been shown only one perspective? I’m curious about all the ways I’ve been contained, labeled and kept small - even before I was actually born. I’m curious how I can shift my internal dialog and begin the process of re-learning how to be sovereign. I’m curious about where all this is leading our collective consciousness.
”Input” is everything we absorb. What does your input consist of?
I’ve been reading a lot. Yes, lots of articles and posts in social media platforms. But also real books. I just finished “Fahrenheit 451” and am now reading “1984”. I’m going to revisit “the Handmaid’s Tale” and perhaps “Skinny Legs and All” after that. Just a handful of novels based in a fictional dystopian future that are all too eerily relavent at this point in the game. I should probably read the Hunger Games trilogy while I’m at it. Also, the bible. I’m so curious about how some people use the bible to form their truths.
I’m listening to a lot of spiritual guidance, meditating regularly and journaling a lot. There will be a time when we will want to look back and understand this transformation the humans are navigating right now. I’ve leaned on spiritual teachings, lightworkers, starseeds, astrology and religion. None of those things (save for a little astrology) have even been words in my vocabulary until 2020. I’m also leaning heavily on cyclical living and the “do less” philosophy taught by Kate Northrup. She’s been a rock for me for many, many years and I’m so grateful that I found her so long ago. So many of the people I’ve learned from in my health coaching and personal healing days have been comforting for me this last year. Dr. Zach Bush is the salve for all anxiety in my head. I seek his perspective on all things “science-y” and appreciate his honesty and openness to growth and continuous learning. Lorie Ladd has been a pillar of spiritual guidance where, I’ve never had much support, but I feel the resonance throughout my body when I listen to the soft messages of her guides.
I’ve grown fond of a few new bands - “Rising Appalachia” is a band led by two sisters with beautiful harmony. They have, by far, been my soundtrack for human sovereignty, feminine strength, and motivation to continue learning and growing. Their song “Resilient” has become my girls’ bedtime lullaby and our family anthem: “My voice feels tiny, and I’m sure so does yours. Put us all together get a mighty ROAR!” The soft choruses of Ayla Nereo, Beautiful Chorus, and essentially anything my Spotify will feed me in this genre, have given me peace of mind and strength to continue. And of course, Jerry and the Dead will always serve to lighten and enlighten.
This is a human thing… this process we are navigating. It’s not a Liberal/Conservative issue. It’s not an East Coast/West Coast thing. It’s not a male/female thing. It truly feels like a turning point - the beginning of a turning point - for humanity to either ascend to a higher state of consciousness... or not. The latter frightens me. I hear whispers of [“conspiracies” like] mandatory vaccinations, microchipping health records, establishing a good behaviour credit system (already exists in China), using genetically modified pieces of DNA in vaccines that would result in humans being owned by patents. Things like “The Great Reset”, “Agenda 2030”, the “World Economic Forum,” and the “New World Order'' are openly proposing complete, global control of the human species. These ideas are not “conspiracy theories” they are legitimate plans in plain sight that have been playing a very long game with humanity and they’re accelerating with an end “win” in sight. Check out their websites and consider taking a look for yourself if this is the first time you’ve heard of them. And while I’m saying that, I may as well mention that the only way to receive more of the whole picture and not just one side is to stop using google as a search engine - they’ve been censoring information for years now. Use ‘DuckDuckGo’ or ‘ecosia’ from now on (and experiment with searching for something controversial [like vaccine safety] if you don’t believe me). This is not to change your mind about anything, but merely to exhibit how one-sided some controversial subjects can get when we depend on the www or mainstream outlets to inform us.
This is a human thing…. And this is why I care. It’s taken more than a hot minute to give myself grace for how much I want to pay attention. I didn’t used to be this way. By living in remote areas, I’ve gotten really good at creating a bubble and not giving a shit what was going on outside of it. I used to not care about politics at all. I used to easily ignore what the government told me to do. I never signed up for any party affiliation because none of it fully resonated with me. I’ve always been suspicious of anyone who tells me to do something “just because.” 2020 changed all of that in me. Or maybe it was motherhood, or Florida, or my 40s, or the pandemic… a combination of all of the above, no doubt.
I departed from the mainstream medical methods of healing and health almost a decade ago. That’s when I first started blogging and writing about my experiences (I’ve missed this practice and hope this is a full fledged return). I healed, holistically, from an autoimmune diagnosis (Ulcerative Colitis) and embarked on a training to become a health coach. I consider this to be the first “veil” to have dropped in my life.
I have this vivid memory of me as a kid - sitting on the back porch of our home, in the summer, maybe 11 or 12 years old, eating a bag of potato chips. I know they were Lay’s originals because I can recall the yellow bag and how I wished they had been flavored but my mom liked the plain ones so much she never bought us the flavored kind. I was overweight by all standards. Not obese, but bigger than most of the kids in my class, and I was always being told to “watch what I eat” etc. I knew I was fat, but I didn’t fully believe it was because of the food I was eating. I thought of the word “diet” as a bad word - something to be embarrassed of - I would never admit to being on a diet or succumb to any diet plans. I remember distinctly thinking to myself as I sat on the porch - perhaps even saying it outloud to no one - “if they make it, it can’t be that bad for you.” This, while scarfing a bag of hydrogenated oils, excessive sodium, genetically modified high fructose corn syrup, and empty carbohydrates 🤷♀️. The veil was firmly in place. Add to that my mother’s indoctrination as a nurse and you could say there was a few veils covering the truth I’d eventually uncover. I was an otherwise extremely healthy human. I was “big boned”, “more muscle than fat”, I “had a strong immune system” and “never got sick”, which were the pillars I stood on as I navigated high school athletics, student government, college in a mountain town, competitive extreme skiing/ski bumming, waitressing, partying, adventuring, dating, creativity, and the entrepreneurship that the following 2 decades consisted of.
Fast forward to being diagnosed, at 30 years young, with an autoimmune dis-ease that would require a magic bullet pill (that inhibits my immune system) for the rest of my life… it all just didn’t feel right. This was not the easiest pill to swallow, both literally and figuratively. The pill itself was huge, and I had to take 4 of them daily. It was also expensive - even insured it would end up being over $800 a month. It also just didn’t sit right with me that the doctors told me that “I was predisposed to this, genetically it was in my DNA.” They said, “there was nothing I did to bring it on, and nothing I could do to reverse it either”. I asked, still in awe “Nothing about my diet? Are you sure? I’m working at Starbucks and drinking 4-5 cups of coffee a day…. Even that has nothing to do with a swelling in my colon??”
“Nothing,” they answered, “your diet has nothing to do with this dis-ease”.
It took a few more years to heal... a couple cleanses, relocating back to my favorite ski town, touring with music festivals, and a 4 night hospital stay in BFE Virginia that finally steered me toward a health coach to assist and guide me. My coach is amazing, and he truly saved my life. I’ll never forget our first long conversation, the veil was ripe to fall. I was confused about what to eat, to the point of starvation and malnourishment. I was an emotional wreck, but somehow still attractive to my future husband, and grateful for his support in this new lifestyle change I was embarking upon. I wasn’t sure how I was going to afford all the testing and coaching sessions I would need, but it didn’t seem to matter. His words were soothing to me. I could do this. The cards had been stacked against me - against health - for my entire life. I wasn’t alone, and I hadn’t done anything wrong, it’s just the way my body needed to go to figure it out.
The story of healing is a completely different post, but my point here is the veil(s) that dropped in the process. The food and agriculture industries in the USA (and most of the “civilized world”) are NOT designed to keep humans healthy. The medical establishment and pharmaceutical industry is NOT trying to keep humans healthy. That’s the veil(s) that dropped for me, what feels like a lifetime ago. It was alarming then, and today feels so insignificant. It’s where it all began for me. It’s why I will forever continue to question these larger systems that claim they have our best interest in mind as they mandate interventions. They don’t. They never have. Why would they suddenly now? The only interest they’ve ever had in mind is the thick lining of their pockets, and perhaps, as I see now, control.
The food system needs to be radically restructured. If that system needs it this bad, who’s to say ALL the other systems don’t need it too? I can think of hundreds of instances where something we’ve been doing for decades isn’t exactly perfect, but we do it the same way anyway, because…. Well, because “that’s the way it’s always been.”
Humans are meant to evolve. We are in an Evolution, if not a complete Revolution of our country right now. There are MANY systems that need to be reimagined. The political system is a major one, that is intertwined in everyone’s lives, whether we recognize it or not (hello bubble). We’ve all been turning our heads from corruption, manipulation, malpractice and greed for too long. We all know there are pieces of these systems that do not work as well as they should. It’s not irresponsible, or “misinformation” to be questioning these systems. It does not make you Liberal or Conservative to want some transparency. It does not make you “pro” or “anti” anything to just want a choice with clearly explained and thoroughly vetted consequences. Hate has been used to divide us over simple human evolution - and if we don’t stand up and start asking questions so we can learn what’s happening around us, we are no better than those who follow obediently as society sends itself over the cliff of human consciousness. There’s a lyric (there’s lots) from Rising Appalachia: “Silence is violence when it’s rooted in compliance.” If I don’t understand and I choose to NOT stand up and ask questions, I am basically complying. Inaction speaks volumes to those who try to control. It tells them that you’re A-OK with anything and everything they feed us. I’m not OK with what’s taken place over the last year. I’m not OK with the systems my generation has been handed. I’m not OK with going “back to normal” because what used to be “normal” was corrupt, one-sided yet divisive, and was essentially the path to complete control of the human species.
I value FREEDOM.
I value INDIVIDUALITY.
I value LOVE.
I value my body’s remarkable ability to heal and guide me through this journey called life. I value my community, family, human interaction, open hearts, honest smiles, and kindness.
I’m not a horrible person because I don’t want to wear a mask. I’m not a Trump supporter if I didn’t vote blue. I’m not an “anti-vaxxer” if I don’t want to put untested chemicals in my or my kids body. I’m not racist if I seek to honor and know my own ancestors to better understand the privilege I’ve inherited. Of course I still believe in “science” and a need to tend to our planet’s health, even if I don’t support the policies that claim to do the same. I still care about the people dying as much as I also want my Civil Liberties returned to me. This is not a black/white, red/blue, anti/pro, woke/asleep world we live in…. We’ve just been duped into thinking it is. And that misconception has only created more hate and more divide.
Let’s rise above. Level Up! Let’s refocus our binoculars we see the collective consciousness through. It’s OK to accept that we’ve been misled. It’s OK to admit when we’ve been wrong. I’m right here with you. I see you and I honor the discomfort that comes along with these realizations.
At the heart of every argument, disagreement, and hateful moment/comment/thought, there is just a person wanting to feel heard, loved, and accepted. Yearning for those things can be exhausting, and make us tired. Clearly, I’m right here in the thick of it, just like you. It’s time to shed the veil that “protected” us for too long. It’s time to shake up the system… perhaps we will need to see it fall entirely before we see progress? Only time will tell, and this will certainly look like nothing we’ve ever seen before. To pick a side is to participate in the divide is to pick a side is to participate in the divide. It’s a hamster wheel we need to get off of. I’m not here to pick a side, unless we want to call this a battle of evil vs. humanity... In which case, I choose humanity.
I’m with humanity.
Love will win.
Hate is the oxygen that fuels the fire of divide. Our dumpster has been on fire for centuries and we’re only now beginning to catch a whiff of the black, toxic smoke. Let’s take heed of the smoke in the sky. Look with both eyes, even if it burns to tears. Help others see it too. Some people have been calling “fire!” for a long time. Bless them for their awareness, don’t hate them for suggesting something that challenges your beliefs. Labeling ideas as “misinformation”, “conspiracies” or depending on a bot to tell us if it’s true or not is simply handing your innate power away. Let’s stop turning a blind eye to the hate, greed, corruption and complete disregard for human life to flourish on this planet. Let’s lead with LOVE, RESPECT and KINDNESS to a new future that we’ve never even imagined before. Let’s come together, and rise above the ashes, stronger and more in LOVE with humanity than we’ve ever been.
I love you. Thank you for being here on this journey with me in this very moment of our existence. It’s truly remarkable that we’re witnessing such a transformation of humanity. I’m here for it. I’m honored to be here with you. Thank you for being YOU. I love you.
